Monday, October 18, 2010

What has changed?

So, I took a zenprov workshop this weekend. I feel like my life will never be the same. That sounds rather dramatic, but it is true. I got up early today to work on practicing some of the things that I learned. More to come on this later.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


So, I found a new job. I am SO excited. I feel like this is the new page that I have been needing for MONTHS! No more crying. No more pity party. No more (or much less, haha) anger. I have been so angry... well... no reason to be now. I will be working at a job that gives me authority, sweet hours, the pay I deserve, vacation, (i think) benefits (will find out on friday), and a decent work week. I will be working with 3 REALLY old ladies (like 95, 87, and ?) that are mildly mentally retarded. I am so happy about everything. My friendships seem to be getting more stable, and I have, lately been able to handle more of them. My stomach pain is receding. I'm getting done with summer school, and in the 1 (of 2) class I care about, I am getting a really nice A. I am getting a B or C in the other one. I don't know because the teacher is NOT WITH THE PROGRAM. I don't really care either, as long as I pass. You know, Maybe I will post my essay... It is for my diversity class. I am a bit self conscious about it... it totally shows my hippie roots. :D Well, I just decided that I will not post it now. It is 10 pages after all... kinda long. I want to thank anybody and everybody who has dealt with my shit, helped me, or hugged me this year. It has been a rough one, and every single hug, open ear, and forgivness for my behavior has helped me get through it without destroying any relationships.
Another cool thing about the job is that I can get my eyebrow pierced again. :D

Thursday, July 8, 2010


Does anybody know of any jobs that are open that I qualify for? I'm looking.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010


I seem to be living a life that is too full. I have no time to myself where I should not be doing something else. I am also having a great time, until I cry. So far, 25 has sucked. Well, to be fair it has been the entire year. F-you 2010. Don't get me wrong. I am seriously having so much fun. I laugh so often. But, I get easily discouraged. My hormones are going bonkers, but then, they have always been bonkers, so I don't know if they are now normal, or not. My aunt told me I needed to get laid today. I laughed and said, "I did." She said that I needed to get laid again. I am not sure that that is the most sound advice that she has ever given me. I feel like I am 19 again. I am having the same conflicting emotions, the same wild thoughts, I am in the same school. I have been lashing out randomly at people again. I know that that is not the way to maintain good relationships. Poor John, he puts up with so much of my crap. I am not as TERRIBLY depressed now as I was then, but I would like to think that I learned something the first time around. I am able to fight it off... I am so fortunate to have so many awesome people to admire and ask for advice if I need. I am not putting them on a pedestal, by the way. I know that those people are normal (ha) everyday people. I have 2 summer classes. 1 is great, 1 sucks. I need to make more money...
Well, my next big thing to look forward to is my rafting/float trip. I scheduled it, and it is a cheap weekend vacation. I am excited. I hope my boys can go. They need it, more then they know. Maybe it is a girl thing. I sometimes know when they need something, even when they are just figuring it out. It would be good for all of us to spend relaxed time together too.
Now, if I could just figure out what the hell is going on in my relationships. I don't mind if it is nothing, but I don't like being played with. I don't think it is unreasonable to know. Maybe it is. I don't have the most experience ever with relationships of the romantic variety. Maybe 4, or 5? I don't know exactly. Clearly they made a huge impact on my life...
I am tired of drama. Why don't people just love each other.